Finding Grace in the Grime
A Woman Scouring a Pot. Possibly by Pieter van den Bosch, n.d. Courtest the National Gallery, London.
The most refined life is not one of flawless execution, but one of boundless grace for the effort it takes to simply try.
Embarking on a new journey in midlife, especially one as deeply personal as homemaking, comes with a host of unexpected challenges. While my vision is one of creating a serene and orderly sanctuary, the daily reality is often far less glamorous. It is a path marked by moments of profound frustration and a recurring sense of inadequacy, a struggle between the high standards I hold in my mind and the imperfect results of my own two hands.
This journey has taught me that the most essential skill to cultivate is not an impeccable cleaning technique, but a deep and abiding practice of self-grace. It is the art of finding peace not in a perfect outcome, but in the messy, beautiful, and honest effort of the work itself.
The Frustration of Imperfection
I have to be honest: there are days when this work feels overwhelming. I remember one afternoon, determined to bring a bit of sparkle to my primary bathroom, I set about cleaning the large glass mirror. It seemed like the simplest of tasks, a chore I have been doing in some form since I was a child. Yet, no matter what I tried—vinegar, special cloths, even newspaper—I could not get the glass truly spotless.
A stubborn film of streaks remained, a visible testament to my falling short. The frustration was immense, almost comical. I had this vision of a pristine, Ritz-Carlton-level gleam, and what I had was... clean enough, but certainly not perfect. In that moment, I felt a wave of inadequacy. Why couldn’t I master something so basic? It was a stark reminder that my intentions, no matter how strong, did not automatically grant me the skill to execute them flawlessly.
Letting Go of Unrealistic Standards
This feeling of falling short is a common companion on my homemaking journey. Part of the challenge is that I am no stranger to a well-kept home. For years, I had the support of a professional cleaning service that would leave my home spotless, and my job was simply to maintain it. Now, handling it all on my own, I am my own professional cleaner, and I am an amateur at best.
It is a constant practice to temper my expectations and give myself permission to be a beginner. I have to consciously remind myself that my life is different now; it’s fuller and more demanding, and I am navigating this new role with many other responsibilities on my plate. I cannot hold myself to the standard of a paid professional or even to the memory of a past self who had more time and less to manage. The only fair measure is the effort I am putting in today.
The real work, I am learning, is to embrace “good enough.” It is to look at the clean, albeit still slightly streaky, mirror and feel a sense of accomplishment for the attempt. It is to acknowledge the progress without being derailed by the lack of perfection. This requires a gentle kindness toward oneself, a deliberate choice to focus on the act of caring for my home and family, rather than on achieving an impossibly high standard. It is, in short, a practice of grace.
How do you find grace for yourself in the midst of life’s messy moments? I would be honored to hear your story on Instagram and Substack.
