To Let Go Wisely, You Must First Understand What You Hold
A Cup of Water and a Rose. Francisco de Zurbarán, about 1630. Courtesy the National Gallery, London.
We often treat decluttering as an act of discipline, but it is more an act of translation—understanding the language of our attachments before we can release them.
For years, I’ve considered myself practiced in the discipline of letting go. Over time, I developed a certain fluency in decluttering, a rhythm that felt natural and freeing. In recent years, working alongside a professional organizer elevated that discipline, showing me new levels of intentionality. I thought I had built a strong muscle for releasing the nonessential. A recent life change, however, pushed my philosophies on minimalism to their very limits.
A shift in my living situation meant I had to part with several pieces of furniture. These weren't just any items; they were beautiful, quality pieces I had invested in, objects that were still in excellent condition with years of life left in them. And it hurt. Watching this perfectly good furniture leave my home for someone else—even knowing it would be needed and appreciated—stirred an unexpectedly deep sense of loss. It was an experience that granted me a new appreciation for the complex journey of decluttering.
Beyond Sentimental Value
We often talk about sentimental attachment, the connections we have to objects because they were gifts from loved ones or tangible links to a cherished memory. This was different. This was the first time I realized you can have deep emotional ties to possessions for entirely different reasons. As I watched my well-chosen furniture being loaded onto a truck, I saw more than wood and fabric; I saw dollar signs. I saw the representation of money I had earned and thoughtfully spent. The items were imbued with the value of my work, my choices, and a particular chapter of my life.
This experience taught me that our possessions can become proxies for our past selves, our achievements, our financial stability, or the status we once held. Understanding this deeper layer of attachment is a crucial step in personal growth. It’s an acknowledgment that the friction we feel when letting go is often about much more than the object itself. It’s about the stories we’ve tied to it.
The Practice of Mindful Release
In the midst of this difficult process, it would have been easy to simply grit my teeth and push through. Instead, I leaned on a cornerstone of intentional living: mindfulness. I didn't shrug off the sadness or ignore the discomfort. I chose to sit with the feelings, to note them as they arose, and to gently dissect them. What was I feeling in each specific moment? I noticed the feeling wasn't a single block of sadness, but a layered emotional landscape of regret, financial prudence, and even a touch of frustration.
By giving myself the space to understand what was really going on, I transformed a painful task into a moment of profound self-awareness. This is a practice any of us can adopt when faced with the challenge of downsizing or decluttering. When an emotion surfaces, don’t rush to dismiss it. Acknowledge it. Ask yourself what’s truly at the root of the feeling. This quiet analysis is how we untangle the complex knots that bind us to our things, allowing for a more peaceful release.
Give Yourself Grace
This journey also reinforced a vital principle for living a refined life: we must give ourselves grace. Minimalist luxury should feel empowering, not like a punishment. Pushing ourselves too hard to get rid of things before we are truly ready can lead to lasting regret and a feeling of deprivation, which undermines the entire purpose of creating a life of intentional luxury.
You have to know your own limits. It’s important to learn when you’re ready to let go and when you need more time. This is where having support can be invaluable—a trusted friend or a professional who can offer a gentle nudge without pushing you over the edge. We must be compassionate with ourselves, recognizing that there are inherently human emotions tied to the objects we’ve acquired throughout our lives.
Developing the muscle for letting go is a process. It takes time to understand your own limits, to know when you can push them, and to recognize the right moment to release. The goal isn't to live in an empty space, but to curate a home and a life filled only with what is truly worthwhile and worth-having.
A Guide to Letting Go
If this exploration of attachment resonates with you, download my new resource, What We Keep and How We Let Go, designed to guide you through the process of understanding the 'why' behind your possessions and learning to release them with grace and intention.
