The Refined Life: Why Simply Knowing Your Values Isn't Enough to Live with Purpose

Dawn in the Valley. William Turner of Oxford, 1832. Courtesy the National Gallery of Art, Washington.

To truly live a refined life, one must first build a sanctuary within, a foundation of clarity from which all purposeful action flows.

Values Form the Compass for a Refined and Intentional Life

It’s a conversation that’s been echoing for over a decade: the pivotal role of personal values in crafting a life of meaning. As I delve deeper into research for my upcoming book, I’m immersed in the myriad of philosophies surrounding this very concept. My aim is to piece together this intricate puzzle, offering clarity to those who seek it.

Despite the widespread discussion, so many individuals find themselves adrift, feeling disconnected from their purpose and struggling with a sense of inauthenticity. They are weary, worn down by lives that don’t quite fit. This pervasive languishing has led me to believe that a crucial element is missing from the popular narrative.

Values are the compass for a refined life, guiding our intentions and ensuring that how we invest our precious resources—our money, our time, the very essence of what fills our days—is in true alignment with who we are at our core.

Prevailing Advice on Value Implementation Oversimplifies the Journey

Recently, I was listening to Simon Sinek’s insightful podcast, "A Bit of Optimism," where he featured author and NYU professor, Suzy Welch. Her latest book, "Becoming You," explores this very journey of identifying and living by one's values. While their conversation was illuminating, I noticed a familiar pattern in the advice offered—a seemingly straightforward, cause-and-effect process: first, uncover your values through clarification exercises, and then, armed with this newfound self-awareness, effortlessly move towards a transformed life. However, I believe this perspective overlooks significant realities.

The Demands of Modern Life Obscure Time for Deep Self-Reflection

Many of us, particularly in the demanding season of midlife, lack the sheer mental space and time for such profound self-reflection. Our days are a whirlwind of responsibilities, both present and future-focused, making it incredibly challenging to quiet the mind enough to contemplate significant life changes. As a mom and entrepreneur, I understand this juggle intimately and have taken significant steps to maintain a simpler existence, allowing for this kind of introspection. Through this process, I have come to realize the important relationship between margin, reflection, and purpose.

A Lack of Margin Prevents the Enactment of True Values

Even for those who have identified their core values, a lack of margin—be it financial constraints or time limitations—can render them powerless to implement these newfound insights. The path to living authentically, to truly embodying one's purpose, often requires resources that aren't readily available. Perhaps a career shift is needed, but financial obligations make it impossible, or the responsibilities outside of work consume every spare moment and ounce of mental energy.

The Refined Life Advocates for Building a Strong Foundation First

This is where the principles of The Refined Life offer a crucial distinction. I see the journey to becoming your most authentic self as a more extended, foundational process. Before we can truly grasp our purpose and live it out, we must first establish the right groundwork. This involves taking honest stock of our current lives and recognizing that many of the things we’ve accumulated—the possessions that cost us money to maintain, the commitments that drain our time and mental capacity—are not as essential as we believe.

Eliminating the Superfluous Creates Essential Space for Purposeful Living

To genuinely align our lives with our true selves, we must be willing to strip away the superfluous. This is often where fear creeps in. We often have a fear of loss, a simmering anxiety that happiness is contingent upon possessing certain things. The Refined Life encourages us to examine the roots of this fear, this sense of deprivation or scarcity mindset, and to introduce balance. It’s about mindfully choosing which possessions and experiences are truly meaningful and deserve a place in our lives. By identifying what is genuinely important and letting go of the rest, we create the necessary margin—the time, financial freedom, and mental clarity—to fully align our lives with our purpose, “our WHY," as Simon Sinek puts it.

A Streamlined Life Empowers the Pursuit of Greater Ambitions

This is an interconnected process: understanding your values helps you strip away the non-essentials, and by streamlining your daily life, you maximize your capacity to fulfill that purpose, to serve others, and to achieve those truly significant things. I want to emphasize this crucial point:

The Refined Life is about creating a foundation of comfort, calm, and peace, both internally and within your environment, so that you are empowered to pursue those larger ambitions.

You cannot effectively strive for big goals if you’re constantly rushing or worried about finances stretched thin by a lifestyle that you think will bring joy but often delivers only fleeting satisfaction. It's about moving from a place of hurriedness to one of intentional slowness and presence.

Therefore, the path to living a life of purpose involves not just identifying your values but also cultivating the foundational stability to act upon them. It’s about taking stock, knowing yourself, and ensuring you have the clear space and resources to move forward with purpose. This distinction, this emphasis on building the right foundation, is what I believe is essential to a more complete and effective conversation about values and purpose for those seeking a more fulfilling and refined life.

What are your thoughts on creating this foundational margin in your own life? Share your experiences with me on Instagram and Substack.

Desiré Greene

Desiré Greene is an entrepreneur, design enthusiast, and self-taught interior decorator with over 15 years of experience writing about home, lifestyle, and luxury. She holds an environmental engineering degree from MIT and is committed to sustainable living.

Desiré's passion lies in empowering others to curate a refined life through minimalist practices. Her blog, The Refined Life, is a haven for those seeking a sophisticated and intentional lifestyle. When she's not writing or designing, you can find her exploring the latest trends, enjoying time with her son, or pursuing new creative endeavors.

https://hellosukio.substack.com/
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