The Unfamiliar Work of Becoming Yourself

Cottage Scenery. George Caleb Bingham, 1845. Courtesy the National Gallery of Art, Washington.

True growth often begins at the edge of our competence, in the humbling space where we are students once more.

For most of my adult life, I have identified as a lifelong learner. It’s a label I’ve worn with pride, reflecting a genuine curiosity and a commitment to continuous improvement through courses, certifications, and reading. I believed I was constantly stretching and evolving. However, it took the deceptively simple act of embracing homemaking to reveal a subtle truth about my journey: my learning had become comfortable. The growth opportunities I pursued were almost always extensions of my existing white-collar skillset—things I was already good at, just deeper dives into familiar territory.

Homemaking, in its profound and practical reality, was different. It was not an extension of my consulting career or my business ventures. It demanded a completely different part of me, and in doing so, it exposed the fact that I wasn’t truly stretching myself in the ways that matter most for holistic growth. It has been a rude, and necessary, awakening.

The Shock of Inadequacy

I assumed that this foray into homemaking would feel like riding a bicycle; that old, forgotten skills from my youth would come rushing back, providing a familiar foundation upon which to build. I couldn't have been more wrong. The life I live now is vastly different from the one I led when I last managed a home with relative ease. I now have a child, a much larger space to maintain, and far more responsibilities competing for my time. The old ways were simply not applicable to this new phase of my life.

This realization was humbling, to say the least. Tasks I thought should be simple felt monumental. I remember the immense frustration of trying to clean a bathroom mirror, a chore I’d done since childhood, only to be left with maddening streaks I couldn’t conquer, no matter what technique I tried. It felt like a failure. In that moment, and in many others since, I was confronted with my own inadequacy. This wasn't the feeling of a seasoned professional learning a new software update; this was the raw, uncomfortable feeling of being a true beginner.

The Grace of Being a Novice

This journey has revealed that while I deeply respected the skills of other homemakers, I had underestimated the difficulty of acquiring them myself. The most critical lesson, therefore, has been learning to have grace with myself. It’s a daily practice of letting go of the expectation of perfection and allowing myself the space to be clumsy, to be inefficient, and to learn from my mistakes.

I have to remind myself that homemaking is a skill, just like any other. It requires practice, repetition, and a willingness to be vulnerable. It demands that I shed the armor of my professional identity and stand in the quiet, sometimes frustrating, space of not knowing. The challenge is not to beat myself up for what I can't yet do, but to find a sense of accomplishment in the simple act of trying.

This process has been more than just learning how to manage a household; it has been a profound exercise in personal growth. It has challenged my ego, expanded my definition of competence, and reminded me that there are always new parts of ourselves waiting to be discovered and developed. The discomfort of being a novice is the price of admission for authentic self-expansion. It is in this unfamiliar work that we are truly stretched, humbled, and ultimately, made more whole.

Have you ever embarked on a journey that humbled you in unexpected ways? I invite you to share your stories with me on Instagram and Substack.